Coming Soon! The 20th College Reunion

It's about six weeks until I attend my 20th college reunion and the same time frame rings true for many of my contemporaries out in suburbia. My email is buzzing with questions, "Are you going?", "Who's coming?", "Where are you staying?", "Kids?" Of course I'm going and so are you. Look, we don't see these people any more because the weddings are over and we're unlikely to be invited to their kids' weddings. Not to be maudlin but we're more likely to hook up with the college gang at a funeral as opposed to any thing else so you've got to hit reunion. And the 20th college reunion seems like a big one even if the 25th reunion is officially a bigger deal. Looking back at the previous reunions they just don't seem to measure up to the 20th. The 5th reunion was my favorite because it was an absolute regression where we thought we were still in college and we drank like it. It was an excuse to see old friends and party like it's 1989. We didn't care that the university set up our class party under a tent in the parking lot because amenities weren't that important to us back then. We were 27 years old and still had our sea legs for rocking all night and so many of the old haunts around campus remained the same. Only a couple of people were married and fewer had kids so there was absolutely nothing holding us back (and believe me, nothing did. People brought back their favorite bongs and still knew how to work them.). Interestingly enough a few of us had younger siblings attend the same school and their graduation was a week before our reunion so we had consecutive weekends of jumping in the hot tub time machine.


The 10th reunion was rocking but the pace slowed. While we still ripped through shot glasses at the Tombs on Friday night, the hangovers the next day were just crippling. The Saturday night affair was tame because so much of the class jumped out of the gate way too hard on Friday night and the after effects showed. Where the spirit was willing, the body just couldn't follow. It was somewhat of a turning point because for one of the first times you really felt old visiting a place you always associated with being young. But what the 10th reunion really was just a continuation to all the weddings we were going to every summer. We saw our college gang often over those years as at least three of them would get married every spring/summer and you'd probably be invited to two of those weddings. Reunion was the same party without the embarrassing bridesmaid dresses.

Things changed dramatically at the 15th reunion. A fair number of people didn't bother going because we were winding down the wedding cycle. They had spent a reasonable chunk of money traveling to all these weddings over the years and most of us had logistical issues regarding who would watch our kids in our absence. On the other hand I think some personal embarrassment started to keep people away. That marriage all your friends came to ended in divorce in two short years or maybe your career was still unstarted and you were intimidated by all these masters of the universe. Introducing yourself as a "stay at home parent" felt embarrassing when your former roommate just made partner at her law firm. For many people it was easy to find a reason to stay away. Those of us who came found we had grown up quite a bit as we stayed in hotels instead of dorms, we had dinner reservations instead of pizza boxes and we even managed to attend the all class picnic. Keg stands were out, glad handing faculty was in. What really struck me was how much better the women looked than the men. Everyone was still on the south side of 40 and while the hairlines were receding I don't think the women were missing the opportunity dress up and highlight what all the men had passed over all those years ago. It was a little comedic that the guys were dressed casually and the women were totally decked out but it was undeniable, the women simply looked better.

What do I expect to see at my 20th? Actually I don't expect too much different from my 15th. However the things that will be different with be relatively surprising. I don't know what it will be and it won't be shocking or scandalous but I do expect the unexpected. Something along the lines of the girl who was the meekest and quietest person in school will have married the hottest and loudest boy toy around, or one of the guys will have decided to botox early rendering him completely unrecognizable. I'm hoping my most conservative, right wing classmate shows up with a ponytail, an earring and finally understands why social welfare is reasonable and necessary. All those scenarios will provide outstanding talking points and I'm certainly looking forward to those kinds of surprises.

Still, that's on the margin. What I expect to find is the men have aged much harder (think bald and heavy set) while I suspect many of the women will continue to look great. Total stereotyping on my part but the women I know in my part of the country are totally focused for reunion regardless of what school they attended. They are dieting, hiring personal trainers and highlighting the grey right out of their hair. This is their chance to show that even after forty years they've still got it going on. And for all those guys who ignored or just plain dissed them in college, well they missed their chance to have a wife who brings home the bacon, fries it up in the pan, and you know the rest...

Quick segue for a funny story. A few years back a friend was going back for some kind of reunion so she spend the week on the full spa touch up. She did it all. Mani, pedi, wash, cut, color and wax. When the husband saw the bill he didn't question the price. It was the Brazilian wax that made him wonder who she was trying to impress...

I also expect a more active singles scene because there are plenty of divorced folks now. Being divorced is no longer a source of embarrassment when you cross forty. Actually it's not shocking that some of those weddings you attended didn't work out. If your friend couldn't keep it in his pants before, or if she was a domineering bitch in the first place, you really can't be stunned they stayed that way after they got married and subsequently, their marriages ended. At reunion I fully expect to see the cougars bring their A game and go right after their single classmates. After all, you already know one another so the awkward ritual introductions single people go through at suburban bars is unnecessary. Combine that with the romantic longing for the past, lots of alcohol, and hotel rooms already paid for. In short, it's a lock.

Otherwise who knows? More people are bringing their kids because they want to show them off. The only problem there is parents often believe other people are really excited to meet their kids when after the 30 second introduction the desire is over. Whatever the case I'm excited. Break out the Grecian Formula and squeeze into those Spanx. Set the ipod to Janet Jackson and pour the cabernet sauvignon. We're coming back! Flawed but wiser. Heavier but confident. We're just a walking set of contradictions but this is who we became. It'll be good to see you.

The Frozen Flashback, April 3, 2010, Morristown, New Jersey

They called it The Greatest Game Never Played and for 21 years any one with any knowledge of the original event would have agreed with the description. The 1989 New Jersey State Championship game was never played because one of the participating schools, Delbarton School, was quarantined by state officials because of a measles outbreak. Interestingly enough, that was the only measles outbreak in North America in the last 21 years as well. St. Joe's of Montavle, New Jersey was left without and opponent and both teams were named co-champions. A solution that satisfied no one.

After a newspaper article appearing last March commemorating the 20th anniversary of the cancellation, the idea of actually playing the game picked up momentum. Fortunately a number of Delbarton alumni worked for both the NHL and the New Jersey Devils and once those organizations threw their weight behind the concept, the Frozen Flashback was barreling down the tracks. The official NHL charity, Hockey Fights Cancer, got involved and suddenly over $250,000 was raised.



The game was this past Saturday and it was awesome. I didn't play having graduated from Delbarton prior to 1989 but my younger brother was a senior on that team in 1989 and I did play with most of the players when they were underclassmen. In short, I consider myself a member of the Delbarton hockey family so I really think I appreciate everything that went down leading up the actual game last Saturday.

The game was thrilling. Final score 3-2 Delbarton. But the box score is probably the least compelling part of the story. The money raised, the causes served, and the camaraderie and the intensity of all the players were apparent to everyone who watched from the stands. Still numerous events are staged for charity and most people write a check, nod politely and attempt to give the tickets away to some junior staffer at the office. But this game was different. This game captured the national media; it was the most emailed story from the Wall Street Journal online the week of March 20th. People who knew no one from either school heard the story and were fascinated at the concept and the reason why is simple enough.

Every one wants one more shot.

Obviously we all miss the idea of being young looking at a world full of possibilities but that's not what I mean. Everyone knows that Ponce de Leon was wrong and it's impossible to turn back the clock. Delbarton and St. Joe's weren't going back in time, instead they were finally getting closure. No more what ifs, should haves, or if onlys. They got to step up to the plate and take their cuts and in the end, what more can you ask?

If you ask around it's stunning how most youthful regrets center around the athletic field. It's tempting to think a failed romance would bring the most angst and it certainly does at the time it's happening but by middle age you realize it was fairly unlikely you were going to marry your high school sweetheart. Even if Marty McFly and Doc Brown had their DeLorean time machine for you and you could go back and ask that special someone to the prom before JP Flynn beat you to the punch it's doubtful you'd be together today. Face it, experience has shown how much happened to you in your life between that moment and the time you actually got married. A million other things would have to break right for you to be together today and the odds those things would have happened are one in a million. You should also be wise enough to know marrying the girl you loved so much at 16 would not guarantee anything about being happily married today.

But reflecting on the failed athletic endeavor isn't like that. Nothing in the present changes if you had won except one thing. On that particular day in your life when you played the actual game you'd be a winner and that feeling stays with you forever. We know this to be true because the loss still gnaws at you twenty five years later. We don't reflect on the lost game as to how it would affect our life today. The fact that you didn't get the promotion to regional manager has nothing to do with losing a tennis match in the 16 and under singles in 1992. Likewise your wife and kids don't love you any less even though you were cut from the varsity soccer team as a senior in 1986. Instead every person remembers the one game they lost and how much it hurt and the only reason they still think about it is because it would have meant the world to them on that day if they had won.

That's what brought out the intensity at the Frozen Flashback. That's why I saw grown men throwing quick, hard jabs when battling for the puck in the corner and that's why any player screening the goalie got a cross check in the back. Both teams wanted this so badly you could feel their hunger. All the players trained for months to get here, waking up at dawn and skating outdoors at 5:45 in the morning to retrain their muscles and hone their skills. Everyone is overworked, underpaid and no one has any "me" time thanks to the overenthusiastic way we throw ourselves into our kids' lives. No one hits a bucket of golf balls on a Saturday when their kid has a kindergarten tee ball game scheduled. However, this game meant so much that these overtired professionals found the time, got into shape, and gave up their Saturday nights to scrimmage other old man teams in preparation for the day when it would finally be decided.

The game had it all: quality goaltending, plenty of penalties, and an outcome in doubt right to the final horn. But for all of us in the stands it just brought back something beautiful and painful at the same time. The pain it brought back was the jealousy to be replaying our own athletic Waterloo. The beauty it brought back was the hunger to give it one more shot. Just dreaming about it makes you young and innocent again. Alas we know it will always remain a dream but at least we all watched a dream come true for a bunch of middle age guys who made it happen. It looked like it tasted better than anything you could possibly imagine.

Jimmy Buffett, November 24, 2009, MSG, New York, NY

It's a tired phrase but it's worth using here for obvious reasons. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jimmy Buffett has jumped the shark.

Not certain when the phrase came into play but it had its fifteen minutes of fame which were officially over as soon as VH1 came out with a show called Jumped the Shark where comedians discussed celebrity mishaps and made snarky remarks. Wait a minute, isn't that every VH1 show? Nevertheless the phrase "jump the shark" refers to the moment that something once considered interesting and hip, ceases to be cool. The original reference comes from the show Happy Days when the Fonz jumped a shark on water skis (yes he wore his leather jacket when he was on water skis). Up to that point Happy Days was a cool show but once the Fonz was airborne on water skis, defying death by shark and sporting a leather jacket, the show suddenly was considered ridiculous. Other examples include Seinfeld when George's finance, Susan, died, Cheers when Diane left and super stud Sam chased fat Rebecca, and Imus in the Morning when he got sober. Things that never jumped the shark include The Bob Newhart Show, Taxi and Neil Patrick Harris (which is impressive as he was a child actor in the 80's).

Interestingly enough there was a website called jumptheshark.com but then TV Guide bought the site and the concept of “jumping the shark" jumped the shark. The current phrase is "bone the fish" and if you're interested in what the cyber space community thinks of your favorite shows check out the site http://www.bonethefish.com/.

That brings us to Buffett in 2009. Look I'm not comparing this version of Jimmy to the 1985 version where he probably did few lines and smoked an entire bowl minutes before taking stage. Those days are gone for all of us and it would be ludicrous to expect to see a 62 year old guy put on that kind of show. However, the concert this year was a far cry from the stadium shows of just a few years ago and there is a perfect word to describe the entire act: tired.

Jimmy looked and sounded tired, the set was lame and tired and even the crowd seemed remarkably tired. Before Buffett shows at the Garden the tailgating aspect moves to a few of the surrounding bars. Over the years I've always gotten a kick out of the costumes and people drinking out of fishbowls. This year, no coconut bras, no grass skirts and precious few cheeseburger hats. And during the show the crowd sat 70% of the time, even for real crowd pleasers like Cheeseburger in Paradise (a song which I actually despise).

Maybe it's because Buffett is more of a brand than a musical act. It isn't a news flash to his fan base but the shows really are just a means to move product. Margaretville® brand Tequila and Rum, Landshark beer and $50 official Buffett Hawaiian shirts. The man is a brilliant marketer and he's selling escapism. Who doesn't dream of dropping the stress, moving to Anguilla and sticking your toes in the sand? But years of the same ad libs, the same outdated cultural references, it just seemed spent.

The use of the video screen in a concert is a recent phenomenon and some artists know how to work it (see Paisley, Brad) and others are struggling. While Jimmy did use it well on two separate occasions, it was usually more annoying than anything else. For example during the first three songs the screen showed a continuous loop of waves breaking onto the beach. I kept waiting for something to happen. Couldn't a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model burst out of the surf, or even some one dressed up like a marlin? Instead it was the same scene for fifteen minutes. The two occasions where Buffett got a rise out of the crowd was showing video of the USS New York during Southern Cross and again showing the last out of the World Series during Last Man Standing. The World Series scene woke up the crowd as we chanted JIM-MY BUF-FETT to the same cadence we chant DER-REK JE-TER. If you want to grab a New York crowd it's so easy. Show the World Trade Center, the Yankees or the Rangers. These are the things that stir our passions, positively or negatively, but we certainly won't sit on our hands when any of these visions are displayed.

I'm not saying it was a terrible night because there were some highlights and good comedy, but not nearly enough. I always enjoy the excess and there was plenty on hand. I sat next to a biker woman who rode in from Pennsylvania. She was so pumped and had knocked off more than a few prior to the show but midway through the show, she was out cold in her seat. That looked like a nasty return trip on a motorcycle.

Likewise there are some aspects from a Buffett concert that remain awesome no matter how many times you've seen the show. Tonight these things didn't disappoint and they include watching the crowd make fins in unison with their hands during Fins, mixing the Beatles' Shake It Up Baby into We Are the People Our Parents Warned Us About, and of course, Margaretville still sounds great in concert all these years later. Another highlight for me was hearing My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus in concert for the first time. I've been going to Buffett concerts for over twenty years so I love hearing old songs live for the first time.

One last interesting Buffett concert fact. For years Jimmy has been broadcasting all his concerts live over his website and his Sirius Satellite radio channel. His hard core fans listen to the concerts and chat on fan boards during the show. What I didn’t know was that thirty minutes after the concert ends his Sirius station rebroadcasts the show. How crazy is that when you’ve been at the concert. By the time I got to my car I was listening to the show I had just attended. Talk about déjà vu!