Coming Soon! The 20th College Reunion

It's about six weeks until I attend my 20th college reunion and the same time frame rings true for many of my contemporaries out in suburbia. My email is buzzing with questions, "Are you going?", "Who's coming?", "Where are you staying?", "Kids?" Of course I'm going and so are you. Look, we don't see these people any more because the weddings are over and we're unlikely to be invited to their kids' weddings. Not to be maudlin but we're more likely to hook up with the college gang at a funeral as opposed to any thing else so you've got to hit reunion. And the 20th college reunion seems like a big one even if the 25th reunion is officially a bigger deal. Looking back at the previous reunions they just don't seem to measure up to the 20th. The 5th reunion was my favorite because it was an absolute regression where we thought we were still in college and we drank like it. It was an excuse to see old friends and party like it's 1989. We didn't care that the university set up our class party under a tent in the parking lot because amenities weren't that important to us back then. We were 27 years old and still had our sea legs for rocking all night and so many of the old haunts around campus remained the same. Only a couple of people were married and fewer had kids so there was absolutely nothing holding us back (and believe me, nothing did. People brought back their favorite bongs and still knew how to work them.). Interestingly enough a few of us had younger siblings attend the same school and their graduation was a week before our reunion so we had consecutive weekends of jumping in the hot tub time machine.


The 10th reunion was rocking but the pace slowed. While we still ripped through shot glasses at the Tombs on Friday night, the hangovers the next day were just crippling. The Saturday night affair was tame because so much of the class jumped out of the gate way too hard on Friday night and the after effects showed. Where the spirit was willing, the body just couldn't follow. It was somewhat of a turning point because for one of the first times you really felt old visiting a place you always associated with being young. But what the 10th reunion really was just a continuation to all the weddings we were going to every summer. We saw our college gang often over those years as at least three of them would get married every spring/summer and you'd probably be invited to two of those weddings. Reunion was the same party without the embarrassing bridesmaid dresses.

Things changed dramatically at the 15th reunion. A fair number of people didn't bother going because we were winding down the wedding cycle. They had spent a reasonable chunk of money traveling to all these weddings over the years and most of us had logistical issues regarding who would watch our kids in our absence. On the other hand I think some personal embarrassment started to keep people away. That marriage all your friends came to ended in divorce in two short years or maybe your career was still unstarted and you were intimidated by all these masters of the universe. Introducing yourself as a "stay at home parent" felt embarrassing when your former roommate just made partner at her law firm. For many people it was easy to find a reason to stay away. Those of us who came found we had grown up quite a bit as we stayed in hotels instead of dorms, we had dinner reservations instead of pizza boxes and we even managed to attend the all class picnic. Keg stands were out, glad handing faculty was in. What really struck me was how much better the women looked than the men. Everyone was still on the south side of 40 and while the hairlines were receding I don't think the women were missing the opportunity dress up and highlight what all the men had passed over all those years ago. It was a little comedic that the guys were dressed casually and the women were totally decked out but it was undeniable, the women simply looked better.

What do I expect to see at my 20th? Actually I don't expect too much different from my 15th. However the things that will be different with be relatively surprising. I don't know what it will be and it won't be shocking or scandalous but I do expect the unexpected. Something along the lines of the girl who was the meekest and quietest person in school will have married the hottest and loudest boy toy around, or one of the guys will have decided to botox early rendering him completely unrecognizable. I'm hoping my most conservative, right wing classmate shows up with a ponytail, an earring and finally understands why social welfare is reasonable and necessary. All those scenarios will provide outstanding talking points and I'm certainly looking forward to those kinds of surprises.

Still, that's on the margin. What I expect to find is the men have aged much harder (think bald and heavy set) while I suspect many of the women will continue to look great. Total stereotyping on my part but the women I know in my part of the country are totally focused for reunion regardless of what school they attended. They are dieting, hiring personal trainers and highlighting the grey right out of their hair. This is their chance to show that even after forty years they've still got it going on. And for all those guys who ignored or just plain dissed them in college, well they missed their chance to have a wife who brings home the bacon, fries it up in the pan, and you know the rest...

Quick segue for a funny story. A few years back a friend was going back for some kind of reunion so she spend the week on the full spa touch up. She did it all. Mani, pedi, wash, cut, color and wax. When the husband saw the bill he didn't question the price. It was the Brazilian wax that made him wonder who she was trying to impress...

I also expect a more active singles scene because there are plenty of divorced folks now. Being divorced is no longer a source of embarrassment when you cross forty. Actually it's not shocking that some of those weddings you attended didn't work out. If your friend couldn't keep it in his pants before, or if she was a domineering bitch in the first place, you really can't be stunned they stayed that way after they got married and subsequently, their marriages ended. At reunion I fully expect to see the cougars bring their A game and go right after their single classmates. After all, you already know one another so the awkward ritual introductions single people go through at suburban bars is unnecessary. Combine that with the romantic longing for the past, lots of alcohol, and hotel rooms already paid for. In short, it's a lock.

Otherwise who knows? More people are bringing their kids because they want to show them off. The only problem there is parents often believe other people are really excited to meet their kids when after the 30 second introduction the desire is over. Whatever the case I'm excited. Break out the Grecian Formula and squeeze into those Spanx. Set the ipod to Janet Jackson and pour the cabernet sauvignon. We're coming back! Flawed but wiser. Heavier but confident. We're just a walking set of contradictions but this is who we became. It'll be good to see you.