DMB April 15, 2009 Izod Arena, NJ

I'm coming to you live from the Izod Arena (formerly Brendan Bryne) here in the swamps of Jersey. While I await the arrival of the Dave Matthews Band I am incredibly bored. However, the sights and sounds here are ripe with comedic overtones. As I don't have a real blog, you will suffer from my annoying emails until the show starts.

First observation - as I stepped out of my Mercedes station wagon holding my sparkling water in the parking lot I longed for a mirror so I could spy my reflection. After all I imagine this 40 year old version of me just screams, "ROCK n' ROLL!"

Observation 2 - I just paid $8 for a beer. I paid that much at the Crazy Horse in Vegas several years ago. I can promise you the opening act won't be nearly as entertaining as the act at the Crazy Horse.

Observation 3 - Who the hell is Eli Reed and why is he the opening act? In fact, why bother with an opening act? The 15 of us currently in the arena want to know and I suspect 10 of these people are related to someone in his band. You know how they let local youth hockey teams skate before the Devils play? They should stick to that model. The Nerds could attract more people to come in from the parking lot and those guys are older than me! (For non Jersey people the Nerds are a Jersey shore band and they've been around for 30 years. The original Nerds are probably dead but they get replaced like all the dogs who played Lassie.)

Observation 4 - Regardless of the year or the performer the female concert attire in New Jersey remains the same. Ralph Lauren wishes he could design a single item of clothing with this kind of staying power. I swear, if Andrea Boccelli were singing here tonight we would still be overwhelmed by acid wash and hair spray. I loved Bon Jovi as much as anyone but how did Slippery When Wet start such an enduring fashion revolution?

Observation 5 - The Concert t shirt. A little conflicted here. Those shirts cost big $$ and I am 40 years old. Obviously concert t-shirts were an absolute must in high school. At that point in my life I was concerned with my parachute pants, the few hair buds appearing on my chest and making certain my Who t-shirt wouldn't shrink. Now I'm debating whether my pants should be linen or gabardine, the hair moved to my back, and I laugh at people purchasing concert t-shirts. I suspect there should be an age limit on the concert t-shirt the same way there should be an age limit on wearing professional jerseys to sporting events. If an overweight 45 year old should probably put the Eli Manning jersey away when he goes to a Giants game, the same should hold true for the concert t-shirt. I'm open to suggestion as to what the appropriate age should be but can we soon reach a consensus? For all of our sakes.

My conflict is how uncool I am. The t-shirt tempts me as from recent events I no longer have any "cool" clothes. Obviously I am delusional as I haven't looked cool since I was wearing short sleeves in a snow storm. The t-shirt would be a masquerade, much like my beer goggles in college. Either way, by the light of day you simply can't put Mrs. Howell in Ginger's dress.

Mid concert note. DMB blew off the doors with a power packed version of Talking Heads' Burning Down the House. An absolute moment of smug superiority for me as the two 20 somethings next to me didn't know what was going on. Interesting as Buffett now opens with Once in a Lifetime. Shows Talking Heads reunion tour would be huge.

Observation 6 - Before you say, "we want to play something off our new album" why don't you just say, "if you need to go to the bathroom or want another beer it's a good time to go." Every band should follow the Bruce model. Release the CD 3 months before the tour. Give us a chance to learn the songs. The new DMB cd came out yesterday. The entire audience is clueless. Just shows, you never question Springsteen. Although he could have done better in terms of picking a hottie to have an affair with.