The 40 Year-Old Newlyweds

Funny year for me as I had two friends get married on the same day this spring. I don't think weddings are funny (though they are a great source of comedy). It's funny because weddings were something that stopped for me about 10 years ago. Being in my mid 40's it seems all of my contemporaries were married years ago. It just seemed crazy that my last two unmarried friends would actually have their long awaited weddings on the same day.

By my count there are four major categories of weddings. First you have the early in life weddings which consist of two single people in their mid 20's to early 30s. Second is the work wedding where you really don't know the groom/bride that well but you work with their parents. Third is the marriage of your friends' children which I'm still too young to have attended but it's coming fast. And the fourth is the middle age wedding which seems to be the gig I'm attending more than anything else these days.

The first weddings I attending in the 90's were just crazy. Two young people getting married, tons of engagement parties and showers leading up to the momentous occasion. The big day would approach and all your college/beach/home friends would slowly pull into the wedding town. Lots of drinking, a round of golf followed by even more drinking. Six guys in one hotel room and no one even brought a wedding gift. A rehearsal dinner where everyone attempted to make certain the groom was entirely polluted so he'd be beyond hungover for his wedding day. In hindsight it would have better for the parents of the bride if we were never invited. They should have paid for all of us to go to Vegas for the weekend and leave their future son-in-law alone.

What's even more interesting was the amount of money this wedding cost. Typically the bride's family was spending more than a small fortune for their daughter to feel like a fairy princess on her special day. Not only were the groom's friend unworthy of such largess, these friends were likely to be the cause of any embarrassing scenes that might ruin princess's special day. And the poor behavior of a bunch of 20 somethings wasn't the craziest aspect of the wedding, instead it was the money. It's only in the hindsight of 20 years when the married couple is choking on a mortgage and college tuitions where the couple might really wish the bride's parents had given them a check as opposed to the party. The wedding was a seven hour event. That check could pay for more than a few years of college. Given the choice today I would have been married in the back yard with a couple of kegs. Heck, I would have even sprung for the totally disgruntled local high school kids who had the way-too-cool alternative rock band.

Things are so much different today as I'm started to attend "work weddings." It's a funny situation where I'm invited either by colleagues even though I really don't know their kids, or I'm inviting to someone in the office's wedding because I'm their manager. In both cases I barely know anyone and the invite feels entirely obligatory. Either way I feel one hundred years old. Now it's no shock my behavior has toned down in every aspect of my life in the last 15 years but now we're stuck at tables with people we don't know and forced to make small talk with other distant connections from some other boring place. In such cases I often rely on the "Where do you two go on your Honeymoon?" question to get the conversation going. It's topical and people never tire of speaking about themselves. Works every time.

Skipping over the marriages of my contemporaries' kids, I have attended quite a few middle aged marriages in the past few years. These marriages are similar to those marriages we attended in our 20s except we usually are much better behaved and they are not nearly as extravagant. The toned down expense makes sense. For the most part a middle aged couple getting married are paying for the reception themselves and that really focuses the bride and groom on what is absolutely necessary. The "over the top" elements are gone and if this is the bride's second wedding I wonder if she realized how spoiled it was to ask Daddy for a string quartet to play during the intermissions of the 20 piece band's set. God forbid there be no music during the dining period, cost be damned! Instead everything is done smarter. Receptions are held at the house, the ipod replaces the DJ/band, or even smarter the actual wedding is just immediate family and after the honeymoon a casual party is held for all their friends back at the house.

Despite the lack of pageantry what stands out for me is how much better middle aged people know one another when they get married. When you get married young you tend to view the world in rose colored glasses. Your careers are going to soar, your kids will be beautiful and healthy and you'll spend every Christmas with your family because how could your spouse expect you to miss it? Hard questions are often not considered or simply put off. This doesn't happen when people court in their 40s. People state their expectations very early in relationships because they know it's vital to get buy-in from a potential partner or it's time to jump ship. I think these two people are much more of a "team" when they actually get married than two starry eyed twenty-five year olds. Their agreement of how they spend their newly joint assets on a reception really reflects their connection and maturity.

Now even though the reception is relatively sober (there are glaring exceptions) middle aged weddings still come with some traditional events like a bachelor party. The most recent bachelor party was a perfect reflection of who we have become. We met on a Friday morning at a casino for a round of golf to be followed by dinner and attended a Jerry Seinfeld show. The entire event was remarkably mature and I'm not certain if we've become wise or boring at this point of our lives. I assume it is a little of both.

In a few short year's we'll start attending weddings for our friends' kids. Likewise we're likely to attend a 20th anniversary party for a couple whose wedding we attended in our 20s. Either way I'm excited because every wedding rocks. You share laughs, stories and drink. Doesn't matter to me if the music comes from an ipod or a 20 piece band, or if the beer comes from a keg in the backyard or the country club bar. It's always good to see everyone if we're not hazing the groom.

Coming Soon! The 20th College Reunion

It's about six weeks until I attend my 20th college reunion and the same time frame rings true for many of my contemporaries out in suburbia. My email is buzzing with questions, "Are you going?", "Who's coming?", "Where are you staying?", "Kids?" Of course I'm going and so are you. Look, we don't see these people any more because the weddings are over and we're unlikely to be invited to their kids' weddings. Not to be maudlin but we're more likely to hook up with the college gang at a funeral as opposed to any thing else so you've got to hit reunion. And the 20th college reunion seems like a big one even if the 25th reunion is officially a bigger deal. Looking back at the previous reunions they just don't seem to measure up to the 20th. The 5th reunion was my favorite because it was an absolute regression where we thought we were still in college and we drank like it. It was an excuse to see old friends and party like it's 1989. We didn't care that the university set up our class party under a tent in the parking lot because amenities weren't that important to us back then. We were 27 years old and still had our sea legs for rocking all night and so many of the old haunts around campus remained the same. Only a couple of people were married and fewer had kids so there was absolutely nothing holding us back (and believe me, nothing did. People brought back their favorite bongs and still knew how to work them.). Interestingly enough a few of us had younger siblings attend the same school and their graduation was a week before our reunion so we had consecutive weekends of jumping in the hot tub time machine.


The 10th reunion was rocking but the pace slowed. While we still ripped through shot glasses at the Tombs on Friday night, the hangovers the next day were just crippling. The Saturday night affair was tame because so much of the class jumped out of the gate way too hard on Friday night and the after effects showed. Where the spirit was willing, the body just couldn't follow. It was somewhat of a turning point because for one of the first times you really felt old visiting a place you always associated with being young. But what the 10th reunion really was just a continuation to all the weddings we were going to every summer. We saw our college gang often over those years as at least three of them would get married every spring/summer and you'd probably be invited to two of those weddings. Reunion was the same party without the embarrassing bridesmaid dresses.

Things changed dramatically at the 15th reunion. A fair number of people didn't bother going because we were winding down the wedding cycle. They had spent a reasonable chunk of money traveling to all these weddings over the years and most of us had logistical issues regarding who would watch our kids in our absence. On the other hand I think some personal embarrassment started to keep people away. That marriage all your friends came to ended in divorce in two short years or maybe your career was still unstarted and you were intimidated by all these masters of the universe. Introducing yourself as a "stay at home parent" felt embarrassing when your former roommate just made partner at her law firm. For many people it was easy to find a reason to stay away. Those of us who came found we had grown up quite a bit as we stayed in hotels instead of dorms, we had dinner reservations instead of pizza boxes and we even managed to attend the all class picnic. Keg stands were out, glad handing faculty was in. What really struck me was how much better the women looked than the men. Everyone was still on the south side of 40 and while the hairlines were receding I don't think the women were missing the opportunity dress up and highlight what all the men had passed over all those years ago. It was a little comedic that the guys were dressed casually and the women were totally decked out but it was undeniable, the women simply looked better.

What do I expect to see at my 20th? Actually I don't expect too much different from my 15th. However the things that will be different with be relatively surprising. I don't know what it will be and it won't be shocking or scandalous but I do expect the unexpected. Something along the lines of the girl who was the meekest and quietest person in school will have married the hottest and loudest boy toy around, or one of the guys will have decided to botox early rendering him completely unrecognizable. I'm hoping my most conservative, right wing classmate shows up with a ponytail, an earring and finally understands why social welfare is reasonable and necessary. All those scenarios will provide outstanding talking points and I'm certainly looking forward to those kinds of surprises.

Still, that's on the margin. What I expect to find is the men have aged much harder (think bald and heavy set) while I suspect many of the women will continue to look great. Total stereotyping on my part but the women I know in my part of the country are totally focused for reunion regardless of what school they attended. They are dieting, hiring personal trainers and highlighting the grey right out of their hair. This is their chance to show that even after forty years they've still got it going on. And for all those guys who ignored or just plain dissed them in college, well they missed their chance to have a wife who brings home the bacon, fries it up in the pan, and you know the rest...

Quick segue for a funny story. A few years back a friend was going back for some kind of reunion so she spend the week on the full spa touch up. She did it all. Mani, pedi, wash, cut, color and wax. When the husband saw the bill he didn't question the price. It was the Brazilian wax that made him wonder who she was trying to impress...

I also expect a more active singles scene because there are plenty of divorced folks now. Being divorced is no longer a source of embarrassment when you cross forty. Actually it's not shocking that some of those weddings you attended didn't work out. If your friend couldn't keep it in his pants before, or if she was a domineering bitch in the first place, you really can't be stunned they stayed that way after they got married and subsequently, their marriages ended. At reunion I fully expect to see the cougars bring their A game and go right after their single classmates. After all, you already know one another so the awkward ritual introductions single people go through at suburban bars is unnecessary. Combine that with the romantic longing for the past, lots of alcohol, and hotel rooms already paid for. In short, it's a lock.

Otherwise who knows? More people are bringing their kids because they want to show them off. The only problem there is parents often believe other people are really excited to meet their kids when after the 30 second introduction the desire is over. Whatever the case I'm excited. Break out the Grecian Formula and squeeze into those Spanx. Set the ipod to Janet Jackson and pour the cabernet sauvignon. We're coming back! Flawed but wiser. Heavier but confident. We're just a walking set of contradictions but this is who we became. It'll be good to see you.

The Frozen Flashback, April 3, 2010, Morristown, New Jersey

They called it The Greatest Game Never Played and for 21 years any one with any knowledge of the original event would have agreed with the description. The 1989 New Jersey State Championship game was never played because one of the participating schools, Delbarton School, was quarantined by state officials because of a measles outbreak. Interestingly enough, that was the only measles outbreak in North America in the last 21 years as well. St. Joe's of Montavle, New Jersey was left without and opponent and both teams were named co-champions. A solution that satisfied no one.

After a newspaper article appearing last March commemorating the 20th anniversary of the cancellation, the idea of actually playing the game picked up momentum. Fortunately a number of Delbarton alumni worked for both the NHL and the New Jersey Devils and once those organizations threw their weight behind the concept, the Frozen Flashback was barreling down the tracks. The official NHL charity, Hockey Fights Cancer, got involved and suddenly over $250,000 was raised.



The game was this past Saturday and it was awesome. I didn't play having graduated from Delbarton prior to 1989 but my younger brother was a senior on that team in 1989 and I did play with most of the players when they were underclassmen. In short, I consider myself a member of the Delbarton hockey family so I really think I appreciate everything that went down leading up the actual game last Saturday.

The game was thrilling. Final score 3-2 Delbarton. But the box score is probably the least compelling part of the story. The money raised, the causes served, and the camaraderie and the intensity of all the players were apparent to everyone who watched from the stands. Still numerous events are staged for charity and most people write a check, nod politely and attempt to give the tickets away to some junior staffer at the office. But this game was different. This game captured the national media; it was the most emailed story from the Wall Street Journal online the week of March 20th. People who knew no one from either school heard the story and were fascinated at the concept and the reason why is simple enough.

Every one wants one more shot.

Obviously we all miss the idea of being young looking at a world full of possibilities but that's not what I mean. Everyone knows that Ponce de Leon was wrong and it's impossible to turn back the clock. Delbarton and St. Joe's weren't going back in time, instead they were finally getting closure. No more what ifs, should haves, or if onlys. They got to step up to the plate and take their cuts and in the end, what more can you ask?

If you ask around it's stunning how most youthful regrets center around the athletic field. It's tempting to think a failed romance would bring the most angst and it certainly does at the time it's happening but by middle age you realize it was fairly unlikely you were going to marry your high school sweetheart. Even if Marty McFly and Doc Brown had their DeLorean time machine for you and you could go back and ask that special someone to the prom before JP Flynn beat you to the punch it's doubtful you'd be together today. Face it, experience has shown how much happened to you in your life between that moment and the time you actually got married. A million other things would have to break right for you to be together today and the odds those things would have happened are one in a million. You should also be wise enough to know marrying the girl you loved so much at 16 would not guarantee anything about being happily married today.

But reflecting on the failed athletic endeavor isn't like that. Nothing in the present changes if you had won except one thing. On that particular day in your life when you played the actual game you'd be a winner and that feeling stays with you forever. We know this to be true because the loss still gnaws at you twenty five years later. We don't reflect on the lost game as to how it would affect our life today. The fact that you didn't get the promotion to regional manager has nothing to do with losing a tennis match in the 16 and under singles in 1992. Likewise your wife and kids don't love you any less even though you were cut from the varsity soccer team as a senior in 1986. Instead every person remembers the one game they lost and how much it hurt and the only reason they still think about it is because it would have meant the world to them on that day if they had won.

That's what brought out the intensity at the Frozen Flashback. That's why I saw grown men throwing quick, hard jabs when battling for the puck in the corner and that's why any player screening the goalie got a cross check in the back. Both teams wanted this so badly you could feel their hunger. All the players trained for months to get here, waking up at dawn and skating outdoors at 5:45 in the morning to retrain their muscles and hone their skills. Everyone is overworked, underpaid and no one has any "me" time thanks to the overenthusiastic way we throw ourselves into our kids' lives. No one hits a bucket of golf balls on a Saturday when their kid has a kindergarten tee ball game scheduled. However, this game meant so much that these overtired professionals found the time, got into shape, and gave up their Saturday nights to scrimmage other old man teams in preparation for the day when it would finally be decided.

The game had it all: quality goaltending, plenty of penalties, and an outcome in doubt right to the final horn. But for all of us in the stands it just brought back something beautiful and painful at the same time. The pain it brought back was the jealousy to be replaying our own athletic Waterloo. The beauty it brought back was the hunger to give it one more shot. Just dreaming about it makes you young and innocent again. Alas we know it will always remain a dream but at least we all watched a dream come true for a bunch of middle age guys who made it happen. It looked like it tasted better than anything you could possibly imagine.

Jimmy Buffett, November 24, 2009, MSG, New York, NY

It's a tired phrase but it's worth using here for obvious reasons. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jimmy Buffett has jumped the shark.

Not certain when the phrase came into play but it had its fifteen minutes of fame which were officially over as soon as VH1 came out with a show called Jumped the Shark where comedians discussed celebrity mishaps and made snarky remarks. Wait a minute, isn't that every VH1 show? Nevertheless the phrase "jump the shark" refers to the moment that something once considered interesting and hip, ceases to be cool. The original reference comes from the show Happy Days when the Fonz jumped a shark on water skis (yes he wore his leather jacket when he was on water skis). Up to that point Happy Days was a cool show but once the Fonz was airborne on water skis, defying death by shark and sporting a leather jacket, the show suddenly was considered ridiculous. Other examples include Seinfeld when George's finance, Susan, died, Cheers when Diane left and super stud Sam chased fat Rebecca, and Imus in the Morning when he got sober. Things that never jumped the shark include The Bob Newhart Show, Taxi and Neil Patrick Harris (which is impressive as he was a child actor in the 80's).

Interestingly enough there was a website called jumptheshark.com but then TV Guide bought the site and the concept of “jumping the shark" jumped the shark. The current phrase is "bone the fish" and if you're interested in what the cyber space community thinks of your favorite shows check out the site http://www.bonethefish.com/.

That brings us to Buffett in 2009. Look I'm not comparing this version of Jimmy to the 1985 version where he probably did few lines and smoked an entire bowl minutes before taking stage. Those days are gone for all of us and it would be ludicrous to expect to see a 62 year old guy put on that kind of show. However, the concert this year was a far cry from the stadium shows of just a few years ago and there is a perfect word to describe the entire act: tired.

Jimmy looked and sounded tired, the set was lame and tired and even the crowd seemed remarkably tired. Before Buffett shows at the Garden the tailgating aspect moves to a few of the surrounding bars. Over the years I've always gotten a kick out of the costumes and people drinking out of fishbowls. This year, no coconut bras, no grass skirts and precious few cheeseburger hats. And during the show the crowd sat 70% of the time, even for real crowd pleasers like Cheeseburger in Paradise (a song which I actually despise).

Maybe it's because Buffett is more of a brand than a musical act. It isn't a news flash to his fan base but the shows really are just a means to move product. Margaretville® brand Tequila and Rum, Landshark beer and $50 official Buffett Hawaiian shirts. The man is a brilliant marketer and he's selling escapism. Who doesn't dream of dropping the stress, moving to Anguilla and sticking your toes in the sand? But years of the same ad libs, the same outdated cultural references, it just seemed spent.

The use of the video screen in a concert is a recent phenomenon and some artists know how to work it (see Paisley, Brad) and others are struggling. While Jimmy did use it well on two separate occasions, it was usually more annoying than anything else. For example during the first three songs the screen showed a continuous loop of waves breaking onto the beach. I kept waiting for something to happen. Couldn't a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model burst out of the surf, or even some one dressed up like a marlin? Instead it was the same scene for fifteen minutes. The two occasions where Buffett got a rise out of the crowd was showing video of the USS New York during Southern Cross and again showing the last out of the World Series during Last Man Standing. The World Series scene woke up the crowd as we chanted JIM-MY BUF-FETT to the same cadence we chant DER-REK JE-TER. If you want to grab a New York crowd it's so easy. Show the World Trade Center, the Yankees or the Rangers. These are the things that stir our passions, positively or negatively, but we certainly won't sit on our hands when any of these visions are displayed.

I'm not saying it was a terrible night because there were some highlights and good comedy, but not nearly enough. I always enjoy the excess and there was plenty on hand. I sat next to a biker woman who rode in from Pennsylvania. She was so pumped and had knocked off more than a few prior to the show but midway through the show, she was out cold in her seat. That looked like a nasty return trip on a motorcycle.

Likewise there are some aspects from a Buffett concert that remain awesome no matter how many times you've seen the show. Tonight these things didn't disappoint and they include watching the crowd make fins in unison with their hands during Fins, mixing the Beatles' Shake It Up Baby into We Are the People Our Parents Warned Us About, and of course, Margaretville still sounds great in concert all these years later. Another highlight for me was hearing My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus in concert for the first time. I've been going to Buffett concerts for over twenty years so I love hearing old songs live for the first time.

One last interesting Buffett concert fact. For years Jimmy has been broadcasting all his concerts live over his website and his Sirius Satellite radio channel. His hard core fans listen to the concerts and chat on fan boards during the show. What I didn’t know was that thirty minutes after the concert ends his Sirius station rebroadcasts the show. How crazy is that when you’ve been at the concert. By the time I got to my car I was listening to the show I had just attended. Talk about déjà vu!

Brad Paisley, October 21, 2009, MSG, New York, NY

Tonight is a night I've been looking forward to for over a year. Four words: Brad Paisley in concert. Let me tell you this guy has got it all. Great songs, outstanding guitar work, and hilarious videos playing in back of him the entire time. On top of that he always brings talented opening acts that people recognize. Tonight it's Dierks Bently which I'm certain you haven't heard of unless you listen to country radio but trust me, he's big. Four out of the eleven songs he sings tonight are legitimate singles played on country radio on heavy rotation. Other acts that I've seen open for Brad include Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, and Jewel. C'mon that's some legit star power thus making Brad one of the few acts that doesn't waste my time before he takes the stage.

I've brought three friends with me tonight who simply do not want to be here. I think they feel sorry for me as every year I send out an email asking someone to go with me to see Brad Paisley and every year the responses range from ridicule to pity. These guys are sophisticated Manhattanites so I'm very interested in their reactions. It's kind of like I've got a sociology experiment going on here with these middle aged test subjects... I can't imagine they'll like Dierks Bentley because that's pretty hardcore country. Songs about Jesus, tractors and guns don't resonate all that well in New York. I'm interested in how they like Brad Paisley and his brand of country which closely borders rock.

Before the concert we went to Brother Jimmy's bar next to MSG and from the look of the crowd you would never would believe we were still in Manhattan. It looked like a flannel convention sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon. It was an unbelievable sight and I learned an important lesson. It seems expensive hunting gear is acceptable concert attire. I never knew that! It raises a long time question for me. Are these people real red necks or are they professionals like me who burst out of their rural closet whenever they get the chance?

As I mentioned earlier the video screens in back of the band are a HUGE part of the show. The band interacts with the screens throughout the show. Andy Griffin (yes indeed, Matlock does have lines in one particular song) and Taylor Swift appear on screens to sing parts of songs, or in Taylor's case, play guitar hero on screen while Brad rips through solos on another song. My favorite use of the video screens is during his instrumental songs. While he's ripping through these solos a cartoon he drew plays in the background and the cartoon is choreographed to fit the song. It's remarkably well done.

I have to admit to being a bit conflicted about the video screens. Here is my favorite guy and I should be the old guy screaming, "In my day it was all about the music, man!" Instead I'm captivated like the member of the MTV generation that I must acknowledge being part of. I wish I could totally focus on watching the band because that's what I paid for but I can't help but watching the screens. Sometimes there is just too much comedy going onscreen (William Shatner pretending to be Brad's father) to focus on the live performance.

Now the one thing that we all loved were our seats as we were in the ninth row on the floor. The picture next to this paragraph was taken with an iphone from our seats and it isn't a close up. We were that close. The crazy thing is I didn't know where the seats were until I picked up the tickets at will call two hours before the show. I joined the Brad Paisley fan club so I would have access to advance ticket sales and what the club does to discourage scalpers is not disclose the location of your seats until you pick up your tickets. I expected relatively good seats but because the stage has a ramp up the middle often times we were less than six feet away from the band. I've been to a ton of shows in my life but here I was, my favorite performer and I'm sitting in the best seats I've ever had. Very, very cool!

So in the end my contemporaries admitted to enjoying themselves though that might have been the beer talking. The video screens kept their interest and helped covey the themes of each particular song as these guys never heard the lyrics before. One friend commented he couldn't believe how he could look around the crowd and see all of us who knew ever word to every song. He might have mentioned something about these people being as dumb as sheep but I'll choose to ignore that.

Nevertheless, to a man they all said they'd be willing to come again next year.

But only if I bought the beer...

South Beach, FL, October 10, 2009

I don't get away much and it had been a long time since I went anywhere without my kids but if I had to pick a place it would still be South Beach. So many benefits and so few negatives (cost being one). The Miami airport is nearby and probably a direct flight from everywhere in the US. No passports, no vaccinations and no inhibitions. It's South Beach!



A friend from my Miami office picked us up at the airport and the first thing I noticed was the case on her blackberry. It was covered in shiny glitter stones and it simply screamed, MIAMI!!!! I thought it was awesome and I wouldn't relax until I found one for my wife's phone (for a whopping $20). I'm certain this cover is now available everywhere on Greenwich Avenue but believe me as someone who is always behind a trend as opposed to out front, when we bought it my wife was the only 40 year old woman walking around Fairfield county with a bling cell phone cover.

We lucked into our hotel which turned out to be one of the highlights of our trip. My wife and I stayed at the Mondrian on the inter coastal and I swear I'm not lying when I say I was the oldest guy there. This place was awesome! Around the pool there cabanas for rent with crystal chandeliers hanging three stories high. There were couches and pillows spread across enormous oriental rugs by the pool as well. The entire scene looked like the set of Caligula or maybe what Studio 54 would have looked like had they set it up outside. Our other friends stayed at the Ritz-Carlton on the beach which was very nice but very different. If my mother were to go to South Beach she would demand to stay at the Ritz and that, in a nutshell was the difference between the two hotels.

That isn't to say we didn't get a kick out of the crowd of at the Ritz. The one day we were there the pool was full of older guys from the Midwest who stayed in the pool drinking beers for 6 straight hours. I didn't keep track and I shudder at the thought but I could swear a few of them never left the pool despite downing beers for hours at a time. The Ritz's pool is a salt water pool and maybe salt water pools are just like the ocean but that's getting pretty comfortable. They were bombed and beyond sun burned but most of all they were high comedy.

Now the people at the Mondorian were everything I'm not. Think young, hip, and Latin. Around the pool everyone was sporting some ink and for the women there should have been a silicone contest. Hello doctor! The women at the pool wore high heels with their bikinis and so many of them smoked I thought I was in a Russ Meyer time warp. Ridiculously hot poolside waitresses would bring bottles of Krystal to people in the pool so half the people in the water were holding champagne glasses. Lots of bling and serious sunglasses. Some of the sunglasses were bedazzlers from Tiffany while others looked like they just came off the set of Logan's Run. Just wild.

On the elevator we met some of the guys from the band Better than Ezra who were staying at the hotel for 2 nights as they had an upcoming show in Miami. The hotel was rocking so hard in the evening it wasn't a surprise to see a young rock band deciding this was the place to be. Of course the irony of someone like me being anywhere close to this wasn't lost on me. We came home from dinner to find the place just jumping. Crowds behind velvet ropes waiting to get in, music pulsating loud enough to shake the walls, and we were dying to check out the scene. However, given our age, the time, the full day of sun and cocktails we never made it down from our room as we collapsed once we saw our bed. Some days this old dog just can't dance no matter how good the party sounded.

South Beach has high end hotels and restaurants to match we hit a few of them. I'm no foodie but I've always been open to trying new dishes and I'm very susceptible to the phrase, "specialty of the house." After ordering the lobster banana I think I'm going to be a little more discriminating. You might think lobster and bananas don't ever mix and you know something, you'd be right. Fortunately there was enough wine to cleanse my palette and the waiter made up for it by sending us to Mango's.

Mango's is a Crazy dance bar right along the Ocean. The line was huge, the people were a little seedy and the women were falling out of their dresses. I counted four separate areas to go wild in. Two dance clubs upstairs, a 15 piece salsa band in the back with 4 scantily clad women playing different instruments (I somehow doubt these instruments were plugged in). The locals were ready to pounce in the dance clubs and if you left your wife to get a drink it would take about twenty seconds for one of the local young studs to sidle up to your woman and start busting a move with her. But the real action was at the main bar where all kinds of dancers let it rip. We watched break dancers, roided up bodybuilders shimmying for the ladies, and a Michael Jackson impersonator. The MJ dancer was awesome and with the help of his backup dancers he reenacted the videos from Beat It and Thriller. After 3 days in South Beach I thought I was ready for anything but I certainly didn't expect the Thriller dance.

After three nights we were toast so it was time to go home but I left wondering what the local slogan should be. Expect the Unexpected or Just Let It All Hang Out? In terms of describing crazy I think either would be appropriate.

U2 and Springsteen, Sept 27th and Oct 3, 2009, GIants Stadium, NJ

So I'm combining U2 with Springsteen which I hope isn't too disrespectful to either band. Nevertheless going to Giants Stadium twice in 10 days and seeing two iconic bands who hit their respective peaks at different points in the past century was somewhat redundant.

I've been to a number of shows this year and I've often made fun of how the crowd is often middle aged and well dressed. Likewise I've lamented the fact that the boisterous rock crowd from the past doesn't seem to attend concerts anymore. So as we set up out tailgate before U2 one of the other guys showed us a special cooler he had made specifically to hold six bottles of wine, I suddenly realized it was all about money! Even if U2 or Bruce were popular with the younger set there is no way they could afford to go. U2 general admission tickets on the floor were $250 face and they went for a lot more on StubHub. So can a high school kid with a brand new drivers license afford this? No. Can the seemingly unemployed sons of anarchy types I remember at Who concerts in the 80s afford this? Of course not! Instead tailgating turns into the same catered affair you find at a steeplechase. The only difference between the parking lot at Giants Stadium and the Gold Cup in Virginia, the Radnor Cup off the Main Line, or The Hunt in Essex Fells was the lack of grass beneath our feet. Same clothes, same pinot noir, same bruschetta and even a little of the same lockjaw. As much as I would like to separate myself from this crowd as a "real fan" I have to admit the petite syrah was perfectly aged and the gruyere was exquisite with sliced prosciutto. Thank God they had real wine glasses as the plastic ones really take all the context away.

This was my first U2 concert so I was quite excited and for the most part it was great. I saw U2 play three songs at Giants Stadium back at an Amnesty concert in 1986 and I remember being stunned how Bono had complete control of the entire stadium. Twenty three years later he still does. The band really knows how to work a Stadium show and as much I dislike stadium shows, the energy in the place from that many people was really cool. I loved the music they played before the took the stage. Over the PA they blasted Bowie's Major Tom and the crowd was singing along with the music by song's end. Inspiring choice (the set is supposed to be a spaceship).

Another highlight was working classic songs in their own music. They plugged the Stones Only Rock N Roll into Vertigo and Stand By Me into Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. The Edge might be the coolest guy in the world and his skull cap look is still bad ass even at his age.

Too much (5 songs) off the new album but I've been saying that at every show. I know they can't hit all the classics but how do you skip Pride? That's like Buffett skipping Margaritaville. Interesting to compare to Springsteen that it seemed people were much more fired up for Sunday Bloody Sunday than Springsteen fans were for Born to Run...

Being U2 they had to do something political and this time the put the imagine of Aung San Suu Kyi on the video screen. Now even though this is quite a well heeled crowd I don't think the audience was so erudite that they read the Economist cover to cover on a weekly basis. Aung San Suu Kyi is the detained leader of the democratic movement in Myanmar. Could 70% of the people here find Myanmar on a map? Let's face it, more people remember Seinfeld's J. Peterman talking about Myanmar and saying, "You may know it as Myanmar but it will always be Burma to me." That's when Elaine went to Myanmar to get his signature on an expense report for George's fur hat. Speaking of which, thank you Larry David for bringing everyone back to Curb Your Enthusiasm this year, even if only briefly.

As for Springsteen his show was great. I loved how he wrote a new song about Giants Stadium to open the show and put the lyrics on the big screen for all the fans. Too often a performer breaks out a new song and because of either a poor sound system or the singer's crippling dependency to prescription drugs, no one understands a word sung. Wrecking Ball was a fun, nostalgic song for all us Jersey folk so by being able to read the words we could get all the subtle jokes in the lyrics.

Highlight of the show was easy. I bought GA tickets off craigslist two days before the show at a discount as five Giants Stadium shows is more supply than demand. I was with my 11 year old, my brother and his wife down on the floor in the back hanging out during the second song when one of Bruce's people came up and asked if that was my son rocking out and would we like to move to the front. He slapped wrist bracelets on us and up the side we went and we were funneled 15 yards from the stage. Unbelievable.

After a few songs up there a different Bruce person called my son over and gave him a photocopy of the setlist for that night. Amazing. Bruce did the entire Born in the USA album that night and while I would have preferred the Darkness album he played the night before you have to be impressed that the band can do so many different songs. Every night he covered one of three specific albums along with a host of other songs. That's just something other bands can't pull off.

Interesting thing I learned about Giants Stadium as this was my first time on the floor after 25 years of Jets games and concerts: there are no bathrooms on the floor level. Never thought about it before as I was never there but the stadium wasn't built for concert goers on the field so there were never any facilities installed down there. Likewise, people on the floor can't move up to the other levels. Instead GA patrons have to walk all the way out the stadium and use port-o-sans out by the parking lot. That wasn't great but it was a small price to pay for being that close to an all time great saying farewell.

Super Diamond, September 26, 2009, New York, NY

Went to see Super Diamond last Saturday and even after everyone telling me how great they would be, the show actually met the hype. Super Diamond is a Neil Diamond tribute band and if you don't think Neil is worthy of tribute you haven't been paying attention to pop culture. Not only did he just release a DVD called Hot August Nights, he's also had a prime time special on CBS in August to promote the DVD and was lionized in the comedy film Saving Silverman a few years ago. Many critics were dismayed by the Oscar snub of that cinematic masterpiece.

However, before I give my review of Super Diamond I have to give serious props to the opening act, Almost Queen. If you are wondering it was not a transvestite band which you'd have to consider based on the name. What a great idea to have a Queen tribute band! I don't care that Bad Company's Paul Rodgers is currently the lead singer of the 2009 version of Queen. When Freddy Mercury died 20 years ago so did Queen. Period. The guys in Almost Queen approach the task with the appropriate combination of musical skill and a great sense of humor. The dude playing Freddy Mercury went all the way in. Super cheesy mustache, white tank, and slicked back hair. Went he spoke to the crowd he addressed us as "darlings." God I hope that mustache was glued on because he'd look like a doofus anywhere else.

They picked great songs: Fat Bottom Girls, Somebody to Love, Under Pressure in addition to the expected classics. Likewise their performances were entirely exaggerated which they had to be if they were to give Queen the proper respect. Fake Freddy's was constantly striking poses with his half mic stand and Brian Maybe was flying on the Guitar with his giant 70s afro. The crowd may have been there for Neil but these boys won everyone over quickly and arguably stole the show from Super Diamond.

Worth mentioning that the Nokia Theater in Times Square is a great theater. Small venue where you stand close if you want or you can sit in the back and still have great seats. Waitresses walk around taking drink orders, 3 separate bars inside the theater, and the tickets were $30. For that kind of setup who needs the real, wrinkled up Neil?

Super Diamond was what you might expect. The five guys dressed like Neil though two of them looked like the were impersonating Elvis thanks to some generous side burns. Nevertheless, all the Neils had sequined shirts with lots of tassels and wavy black hair. I could have stood for more chest hair because I remember Neil had quite the forest growing there in the Jazz Singer. I can't answer if they were all circumcised which might give insight to their respective level of commitment to the tribute. The main Neil was the best looking and his voice was spot on as he sang lead on all the songs.

The crowd was outstanding. Plenty of guys went along and we saw one dude with a black vest over his wide collared paisley shirt. Obviously an older crowd which made me think Courtney Cox should have shot a Cougartown episode there. Quite a few tweens and teens with their mothers and each one looked exceedingly uncomfortable as their mothers started rocking uncontrollably along with Sweet Caroline. I'm all for bringing my kids to concerts but if I'm going to get blitzed and throw my underwear at the stage I'd probably leave junior at home for the night.

Speaking of throwing underwear I couldn't shake the image of the original Neil singing Cherry-Cherry to thousands of teenage girls throwing their thongs at him on stage back in the 70s. If the women in this crowd did that, Super Diamond would have been ducking hundreds of elastic control tops instead. Ain't middle age grand?

Set list was great with every song you'd want to hear. Opened with Hello, Again and closed with America and everyone screamed "Today" and sang the Pledge of Allegiance. The one song that struck me as funny was the ten minute version of Hava Naglia. Now despite the goofy outfits New York is a sophisticated town and I have no doubt 98% of the crowd had attended a Bar Mitzvah or a Jewish wedding so we all know the song and the drill. Numerous women were lifted and carried up and down at some point during the song and everyone had a blast. Still, I'm curious how that plays out in the heartland. My cousin from Sacramento sent me a text before the show telling me I was going to love Super Diamond. Did they do Hava Naglia out there? Would the crowd in Cedar Rapids even know the song? For us it's New York and the day before Yom Kippur so we had fun with it but does the rest of the country?

Bottom line. Next time you hear Super Diamond is in your town grab your granny panties and head on down because we're comin' to America.

TODAY!!

Saratoga Race Track, August 12, 2009, Saratoga Springs, New York

Every summer I spend a day/night up in Saratoga Springs, New York and it is always such a great day I can't wait to get back. The highlight of the year in that area of New York is what they call "track season" as it seems the entire populations of Albany and Troy descend on Saratoga for six weeks of horse racing. Obviously there are tracks all over the country and I'm not a serious horse player so I've only been to a precious view but it seems to me that for an regular day at the races, nothing beats Saratoga.

One of the first things you notice is how well most people dress. I don't know why people dress up for the track. At one point it was known as the sport of kings but those days are long past. Alongside all the well dressed people are the people you expect to find at any gambling establishment: lots of tank tops, tattoos and general unattractiveness. Still, a high percentage of people still dress up to spend a day at the races and everyone really looks great. An attractive woman in a sundress and hat is just a classic good look. It really raises the question of why women don't get dressed up more often. On a nice day a sundress highlighting the assets takes a five to a seven and an eight to a nine and a half. A hat brings even more improvement to the ratings. Nevertheless it seems a rarity that women take the opportunity to dress up (and a $400 pair of jeans doesn't make any one dressed regardless of the expense!) And if it is track season that inspires the improvement in attire then I'm all for it. As for objections to this sexist sentiment it should go on the record that I wore a tie. It certainly didn't mean I looked attractive but I certainly was making the effort.

Another aspect of the track that fascinates me is how well everyone mingles together yet there remains a significant split. The split that I'm referring to is the contrast between the people buying $5 clubhouse tickets opposed to people purchasing the $3 general admission tickets. As you can guess the GA crowd is a little rougher around the edges and they can't see the race in person from the area they congregate in. Instead they can see the horses in the paddock getting ready for their respective races and then they watch the races on TV monitors set up out by the stables. I don't think it's the $2 extra keeping people out of the clubhouse. The country may be in a recession but these folks are up here to gamble so I suspect the $2 premium isn't dissuading them from getting up to the rail to watch the race in person.

Unfortunately my description of the general admission area makes it sound like the 51st parallel separating the two Koreas when it is the exact opposite. People with clubhouse passes continually walk out to the GA area and both groups gather around the paddock and mix easily. Ideas are shared between men in seersucker suits and guys in muscle tees and each opinion is taken seriously.

One of the best example of how well the crowd mixes is watching the jockeys march right through the crowd. For the jockeys the path from the paddock to the track isn't roped off or protected in any way from the crowd. Instead there are two painted white lines where the jockeys walk after the race and it goes straight through the heart of the crowd. Yet despite this proximity, people leave the jocks alone. No one who lost a bet goes up and screams at the jock who may have blown the race. No other sport works like this. Can you imagine Derek Jeter walking through the crowd at Yankee Stadium. He is a beloved icon in the Bronx yet the crowd would tear him apart.

After a day at track there is only one place to go, Siro's. Siro's has become one of my favorite bars. So many of the positive aspects of the track spill right into the bar: the mix of people, the women all decked out, and horse owners and horse gamblers all recapping the day's events. What a great crowd! Cougars and cowboys all congregate at Siro's (possible slogan??). My only complaint is the number of bartenders. Four bartenders just doesn't cut it to handle a crowd that big and waiting ten minutes for a drink is a major buzz kill.

Up to this point I've been giving my overall perspective from all my annual trips. As for this year's sojourn there were definitely some highlights. First we started out the day with a round of golf at Saratoga National. Just a terrific course! I lost 11 balls and still had a great time. I know I am supposed to be more sophisticated but I thought it was cool to see lockers for Bill Parcells and Jim Burt in the locker room. It's not like they were actually there but it is a brush with fame nevertheless.

During our day at the track I got my biggest laugh from the featured race of this particular day, the $150,000 Cab Calloway. What makes Saratoga such a popular place for serious horse players (I do not remotely qualify if you were wondering) is that every day during track season Saratoga has a "stakes race". A "stakes race" has a serious purse (over $75,000) and this appeals to jockeys, trainers and owners who bring up their best horses to ring the cash register.

A $150,000 race is a handsome purse and I suppose the track wanted to make a big deal about the race. Hell, even Cab's granddaughter was there to hand out the oversized novelty check at the end of the race. However, prior to the start I think the track tried too hard or not hard enough. I still can't decide. Some background, before they run the Kentucky Derby the entire Churchill crowd stands and sings My Old Kentucky Home. I'm a guy from New Jersey and that scene still brings a tear to my eye. For the Cab Calloway the track announcer got on the PA and sang the first verse of Minnie the Moocher, complete with the "Hi-De-Hi-De-Hi-De-Hi." Think about that for a second. A guy who's primary job is to speak as quickly as possible, a la John Moschitta from the FedEx commercials of the 80s, is tasked with singing an American classic? No one else was available? Frank Stallone, Corey Hart or any member of the Blowfish outside of Hootie would have jumped on the chance for the price of a grandstand pass.

To compound the lack of effort the track's trumpet player was the musical accompaniment. This is a guy who wears a bright red jacket, white pants and a black riding hat. Everyday during track season this guy comes to the track and plays the same 10 notes before every single race. You'd recognize the tune. It's the ba-ba-bumba-bumba-bumba-bumba-baaaa tune that calls the horses to the starting gate. Do you think this guy looks forward to the Cab Calloway all year as a chance to show his musical chops? I'll bet he woke up today thinking, "Today's the day I knock `em dead." Interestingly enough the trumpet man always goes to Siro's and all the regulars seem to know him.

Toga. Siro's. Save me a seat and order me a drink cause I'll be back next year.

Dave Matthews Band, July 21, 2009 Jones Beach, NY

Back to Dave Matthews for a second go around this summer. So far his show was the best I've seen in a while. Interestingly enough Paul McCartney is playing 20 minutes away at Citi Field tonight. Not certain that means anything other than a lot of people are going to be very wet.

DMB is playing at the Jones Beach theater out on Long Island. This venue is also outdoors but it doesn't sell beer. As the forecast calls for plenty of rain, the lack of booze will really go over well.

Despite the prohibition era rules I really love the outdoor summer concert. I grew up going to the Garden States Arts Center and hitting shows all summer. The routine was classic. Get to the parking lot 4 hours early, drink a ridiculous amount of booze, eat almost nothing, then head for the lawn seats in a semi blackout state. Usually we'd be a pack of 12 people so it wasn't easy to find space. Still it never mattered that we couldn't see the stage because we could barely remember the show the next morning anyhow.

As for this evening I have donned the DMB concert shirt I purchased at the last show (loser move at the time). Tonight, as I rode the train out to Long Island someone already asked me about tonight's concert. Nevertheless I fear wearing a concert t shirt to the same band's concert is the equivalent to wearing an Enterprise uniform to a Star Trek convention. Either I'm wicked cool or a mega tool. There simply is no in between when you won't act your own age.

What can you say about Long Island that hasn't already been said about New Jersey. As a proud son of the Garden State I stand before you and say we are so much better than Long F#*!@ing Island. Still I have to admit there is a certain segment of New Jersey that shares similar traits with the residents out east. Whatever the case the classic Long Island character is well represented tonight. Sleeveless, beautifully manscapped, and festooned with tattoos, the classic Long Island native absolutely enhances the concert experience. And because the native dialect in New Jersey is so similar I can understand what he is saying amidst all of the profanity flying out of his mouth. Right now he would like the opening act to leave the stage so the headliner can come on. It seems the performers should listen to this fine gentleman lest some misfortune befall their mothers at his hands...

I'm fascinated by the Deadesque quality to the DMB fan base. It isn't the dope smoking, mother earth thing as this is generally a preppy, upscale crowd. Instead I'm amazed by the number of fans who follow the band around the country, track the set lists on line, and keep track of the number of times they attend a DMB show.

For many of these hard core fans the appeal is similar to the Dead in terms of an always changing set list. DMB can swing an entirely different show from night to night which is such a rarity. While other bands might have similar catalogs in terms of number of songs, a precious few are rehearsed enough to dig deep into their collections. It is so much easier for a band to rehearse 20 songs prior to the tour and play 16 to 18 of them on a given night. So kudos to DMB.

Still, such an upscale fan base is most likely better employed than the Deadheads of the 70s and 80s who could drop out of life for 4 to 6 months because they weren't gainfully employed in the first place. An example is the fan I met on the train out to the show. An Oklahoma native, this was his 32nd DMB concert. Think about that for a second. How often does any band hit OK? Once every 4 years? In order to see a "national" band 32 times, an Oklahoma native has got to be willing to travel and this guy certainly was. He arranged his summer vacation from work so he could be in New York so he could see the Yankees and DMB. Maybe I'm overly impressed but on this tour DMB played 9 shows between Hartford, CT and Camden, NJ. That's 9 shows at venues within 4 hours from one another. So a guy from Oklahoma shows a lot more enthusiasm than a guy sitting on his couch in the middle of Manhattan.

As for the show it was pretty good but not great. Even though it should be all about the music, I was really bummed out that no beer is sold at Jones Beach. It's unfortunate to say and it is probably a less than flattering reflection upon me, but the lack of booze truly dampened (that and the rain) the experience for me. Another downer which wouldn't bother a hard core fan as opposed to me was all the music off the new album. After lambasting Jackson Browne for a similar offense I don't want to put DMB in the same box. He is in the prime of his career and his current cd is a commercial success and widely praised by music critics nationwide. Nevertheless, if you are a casual fan I don't recommend going when DMB is promoting a new album. He played 9 tracks off the new cd, one of which I recognized. His next tour after this one will probably appeal more to fans like me as he won't be so beholden to one specific album.

Nevertheless the one specific highlight that will stick me is how he worked Stairway to Heaven into his version of All Along the Watchtower. Both songs are classics and Watchtower has been a big DMB song for 10 plus years. I love when one band takes someone else's song and makes it their own. That is what Buffett has done with CSN's Southern Cross and what Van Halen did with the Kinks' You Really Got Me. What struck me was how few bands ever cover Zep songs at all. Stairway is considered one of the top (if not the actual "top") rock songs of all time yet no one ever attempts to play it and it makes me wonder (pun intended)...

If I had to guess why no one attempts to cover Zep songs I'd say it was because they are intimidated. I'm no music critic or even a Zep connoisseur, however how do you improve on Stairway? It was awesome that Dave went after it and it shows he's got serious stones because everyone else is just too awed to consider it. Because DMB has sack, they've given me a memory I'll have for all long time. It's unlikely I'll ever have the chance to see the real thing so it was way cool that I got to see an outstanding band give it a rip.

Jackson Browne, July 13, 2009 Danbury, CT

Tonight I'm at a Jackson Browne concert at Western Connecticut State University. This is without a doubt the smallest venue I've ever seen an established "star" at. It is basically a big gazebo with 25 rows of folding chairs in front of the stage. This is the venue a band plays on the way up. When they live in a van and eat beef jerky to survive.

My 11 year is excited to be here but only because he likes going to concerts. There is no way he knows who this guy is. He isn't on Guitar Hero and his music is more likely to be heard over the PA at the supermarket than on a classic rock station. This definitely the oldest crowd I've been with this concert season. Makes me feel young though I saw the official sponsor of his tour is Geritol.

Nevertheless it's a beautiful night, the beer is cold and Jackson is banging Tender is the Night. Not bad on a Monday.

Jackson is employing a technique that has come quite common for singers 60ish years old. He's not only relying on his background singers to beef up the vocals, he's letting them sing entire songs that were once signature songs of his. On a rational level I understand the necessity of this. Given his age and touring schedule it isn't reasonable to expect his pipes to be that strong. Three/four shows a week is a grind for anyone, much less a member of the AARP.

However Jackson didn't charge a discounted rate for this show, he charged full boat so I would like the Full Monty. Jimmy Buffett does this as well and I think it sucks. Buffett has a background singer named Nadirah Shakoor. She has been with him for 20 years and Parrotheads love her. Nevertheless when she put out an album where she covered her favorite Buffett songs it sold about 500 copies. No one, not even Parrottheads were interested. We're fans of the stars and admirers of the company. That's an enormous difference. No one is paying $150 to watch Buffett be the rhythm guitar player or Jackson be the piano player. We'll applaud when he introduces the band, but that's where it ends.

The only band that ever pulls this off is the Rolling Stones. Keith has a handful of songs he sings, Happy, Gonna Walk Before They Make Me Run. The band breaks these out so Mick can run backstage and suck on an oxygen tank for 5 or 10 minutes. It works because these are in fact, Keith's songs and he is just as big a part of the Stones as Mick.

Of course the use of a pinch hitter to sing for a 60 year old rock star raises other questions. Do these guys use pinch hitters for other aspects of their lives. Rock stars live hard lives. They make some money by the time they are 60 but it's come at expense of taking a lot of tread off the tires. I assume most of these guys have trophy wives in their mid twenties. Can they use a pinch hitter for their husbandly duties? Do they hire some young dude to help with the kids' home work and to warm up the wife? Once you start down the slope of letting other people do your job it's difficult to stop.

Can't tell which Jackson Browne we are getting tonight. Late 70s and early 80s Jackson was the MAN and often recognized as one of the top song writers of the era. At that point the topic of his songs was the harshness and absurdity of LA life. Running on Empty, Boulevard and even Lawyers in Love were all commercial and artistic successes. Alongside the Eagles and Warren Zevon, Jackson was the hottest act from LA.

However, by the mid 80s he decided his fans were so interested in what he had to say that he would sing exclusively about his global and political beliefs. This decision had the unintended consequence of driving his career off a cliff. Obviously global awareness was very en vogue at the time. Remember the Live Aid concerts? Actually the title "We Are the World" shows the hubris of American artists but I digress...

In the 80s most bands learned the most important lesson of social consciousness which was no matter how far you stretch it, nothing rhymes with "Nicaragua" or "Sandinista". Even Bono knew this. Instead Jackson committed career suicide by forcing the issue in his music and no one cared. This probably explains why James Taylor is beloved and sells out nationwide whereas Jackson finds himself playing a venue a little larger than a high school auditorium tonight.

Springsteen, May 21, 2009 Izod Arena, NJ

Springsteen tonight. Not expecting as much blogging as I am not flying solo. Also there were some isolated calls to have an intervention with me to stop this exercise. In response to these efforts I say NEVER!! However I will shorten the distribution list.

Tonight's initial theme going into the concert is the difficult transition from professional attire to concert wear. My primary concern is that I look like an idiot. I've gone to numerous concerts directly from the office and the transition has always been a challenge. I've been to MSG shows where dudes are still in business suits which is beyond lame. If you are going to wear a blazer to a concert you should be attending a John Tesh concert, not Bruce, Buffett or a similar performer.

My problem is that I'm such a formal person at the office. I wear a suit and tie 99% of the time. Any other person at my office would wear jeans to work and go straight to the show. For me dressing down for work means a sports coat and tie as opposed to a suit. Think Frank Drebin in the 1st Naked Gun movie. To the people I work with the sight of me in jeans, cowboy boots, and t-shirt would create endless ridicule so I'm forced to be covert in this endeavor.

Essentially I pull the Superman move by ducking into the equivalent of a phone booth looking like Clarke Kent and reappearing as superfan. In my case I go down to the storage room in the basement of my office building, ditch the suit and don my boots to complete the transformation. It's amazing I'm 40 years old and still playing games like this but you gotta do what you gotta do...

Preppiest crowd I've ever seen. Obviously it's not the Dead, country or even Buffett. Keep in mind Born to Run came out in 1975 which will tell you how old this joint is.

In terms of criticism can I suggest Bruce is on steroids or HGH. Women look at thin women and say eating disorder, or they see big boobs and call them fake. Bruce's biceps are Hulk Hoganesque. He's 60. Is making that suggestion going to have lighting strike me?

I'm on the floor as opposed to regular seats. Now considering I'm a borderline (or over the boarder) alcoholic my experience might be different. So I guess if you want to get close to the stage, you forsake beer and bathroom breaks. I've already made 70 enemies moving 20 yards into the crowd. I'd love to be 40 yards from the stage, but the cost (lack of beer) is too high.

Strong shout to the Community Food Bank of New Jersey which one of my oldest friend's mother started 30 years ago out of her station wagon in Summit, NJ. In 25 years of going to see Bruce he has never failed to mentioned Kathleen DiChiara and the NJ food bank.

Unfair to rank Bruce concerts for me. I'm certain to have seen him almost 20 times and saying a show is not top ten is not a disparaging comment. Nevertheless this show falls in the middle, maybe towards the back.

A question for everyone who says Bruce is a great guy in real life. How can you keep your ego in check when every time you show up to work people go insane and scream your name. Between the roids and the adulation I would expect him to be a megalomaniac.

Also 25 years of Bruce and 1st time I've ever heard Jungleland live. Quite the bonus.

Keith Urban, May 7, 2009 Uncasville, CT

Tonight I find myself in Uncasville, CT for a country concert of Keith Urban and Sugarland. Sugarland isn't here which is something that requires further explanation. I really love the crowds you find at country music concerts. It's hard to believe that people like this exist in the Northeast. Cowboy boots and hats, lots of yee haws and good ol' boys. While I've moved higher geographically from the previous concerts in NJ, the crowd's IQ is lower by double that amount. Right now the opening act is singing a song called "Big Green Tractor" and the crowd loves it. Begs the question of where did these people come from. Lest I become too critical I need to remember I paid money to be here as well.

So I drove almost two hours to get here and I'm a bigger Sugarland fan than I am a Keith Urban fan. Don't get me wrong, I love Keith Urban but Sugarland has been living towards the top of my playlist for the past year. Nevertheless as much as I am a Sugarland fan I was somewhat conflicted about the concert. You see Sugarland is a duo: Jennifer Nettles and some bald guy. The fact that they are officially a "duo" means I'm not a fan of some chick band. At least that's the fig leaf of a rationalization I use.

You see I would never want to go to a chick show on my own. I picture all chick concerts like going to see the Spice Girls where everyone jumps and down screaming GIRL POWER!! The little bald dude makes them a non chick band, even if no one knows who the hell he is.

The other manly aspect of the concert is Keith Urban. Do you realize he's sponsored by Kingsford charcoal. C'mon, you've got to be a real dude to be sponsored by a company in the barbecue business. I'd say he's also a stud because he's married to Nicole Kidmann but Tom Cruise was as well. Still I assume she was tired of being Cruise's beard. Keith Urban is also an Aussie. If it sounds like I have a little man crush I wouldn't go that far. He's no Phil Mickelson.

I think the combo of a somewhat chick band and hot male singer explains the crowd here. The women outnumber the men 3 to 1. Older crowd as well. Maybe they should rename the tour Cougarville.

The attire certainly has changed from the other concerts I've seen this spring. We had the Acid wash Jersey girls, the crunchy, unshowered and unshaven Deadhead women. Here it's the classic country look. Tank tops, fake boobs, fake blonds but real tatoos.

So I was about to criticize Keith Urban for numerous things. First he came out with the lame "Rock concert manifesto #3!" Which I've only seen about 70 times :he started out with a "Hello _________ ( fill in the blank)" and in this case he said "Uncasville!" Dude, the only people in the arena from Uncasville are the casino workers. The entire town is an Indian reservation dependent on the casino for employment. I'm sorry to be redundant but every performer needs to study the lessons of Augustus Concertus, aka Springsteen. When I saw him in Bridgeport it was "Hello Connecticut!" He was smart enough to know if 20% of the homes in Fairfield County owned Springsteen albums, .08% of these homes were in Bridgeport.

As for Urban, he strikes all the great guitar player moves. Important to note Urban is considered one of the great pickers in country music. Right up there with Brad Paisley and Vince Gill. I've seen everyone from Eddie Van Halen, Clapton in the 80s, Paul Anka to Pete Townsed. No doubt he certainly has all the moves: the windmill, soloing on his knees, multiple trips to rehab, and throwing picks into the crowd. It is only later into the show that he is breaking the tired formula.

So he broke from formula numerous ways which I'll go through quickly as I'm sure you're not that interested unless you go to as many shows as me. First, he has an Aussie accent which is very unusual. Let's face it in country every performer sounds the same when they speak, lots of "y'alls" and southern twang. Sounds so funny as I wait for a "shrimp on the barbie reference." Second, the dude has set up different microphones all over the arena. If this place is shaped like a box he stood on all four sides and played multiple songs. Hell, he played 2 songs twenty yards from me and I was too cheap to buy good seats. Third, show isn't totally scripted. He saw a couple with a sign about their 25 anniversary and brought them on stage. As typical in country music it was probably there 40th birthday as well.

Last thought as show winds down. I left my seat in row R and went all the way down to row C. Getting closer was part of the reason. The primary reason is - assumed I bought the ticket on Stub Hub from the guy next to me in Row R. I bought seat #1 on Tuesday on Stubhub. Whoever sells one seat on Stubhub two days before a show got stuck with an extra and had to dump it. Considering I bought a $150 face ticket for $90 I wasn't crazy about sitting next to someone who lost $60 in my favor. This may be a casino but I don't think that's what he had in mind.

Should I have offered to buy him a beer or just a standard reach around?

The Dead, April 29, 2009 Izod Arena, NJ

Certainly shorter entries because I didn't come alone for once. Nevertheless a absolute treasure chest of comedy. I've been to numerous concerts over the past 25 years but this is my first Dead show and it certainly is different. There is more dope being smoked here than a reggae festival. You have a contact high within 90 seconds of walking in here. The parking lot was insane. The pharmaceuticals being offered reminded me of Central Park in the mid 80s with more advanced chemistry. My favorite was the hard core Deadheads who don't want their picture taken; like the camera will steal a part of their soul.

Branford Marselies has been on stage with them for the last four songs and the man is incredible. His sound adds so much it's amazing.

I feel like the last non stoned person in NJ. Have to retract what I said 2 weeks ago about female attire at concerts in New Jersey. Clearly this audience is the exception. I've seen every look except for Bon Jovi acid wash. I've seen everything from Pipi Longstocking to Romanian Gypsy. There are women who have never put a razor to their arm pits and women in sequined dresses. Aside from no Bon Jovi look alikes I'd say there are no Vineyard Vines here as well. If they were they'd have beer or bong water poured all over their heads.

Likewise in a crowd of aging hipsters like this I'm average aged as opposed to an old fart. Middle age never felt so good (until we have to go to work tomorrow).

Marsalies in Space is crazy good.

DMB April 15, 2009 Izod Arena, NJ

I'm coming to you live from the Izod Arena (formerly Brendan Bryne) here in the swamps of Jersey. While I await the arrival of the Dave Matthews Band I am incredibly bored. However, the sights and sounds here are ripe with comedic overtones. As I don't have a real blog, you will suffer from my annoying emails until the show starts.

First observation - as I stepped out of my Mercedes station wagon holding my sparkling water in the parking lot I longed for a mirror so I could spy my reflection. After all I imagine this 40 year old version of me just screams, "ROCK n' ROLL!"

Observation 2 - I just paid $8 for a beer. I paid that much at the Crazy Horse in Vegas several years ago. I can promise you the opening act won't be nearly as entertaining as the act at the Crazy Horse.

Observation 3 - Who the hell is Eli Reed and why is he the opening act? In fact, why bother with an opening act? The 15 of us currently in the arena want to know and I suspect 10 of these people are related to someone in his band. You know how they let local youth hockey teams skate before the Devils play? They should stick to that model. The Nerds could attract more people to come in from the parking lot and those guys are older than me! (For non Jersey people the Nerds are a Jersey shore band and they've been around for 30 years. The original Nerds are probably dead but they get replaced like all the dogs who played Lassie.)

Observation 4 - Regardless of the year or the performer the female concert attire in New Jersey remains the same. Ralph Lauren wishes he could design a single item of clothing with this kind of staying power. I swear, if Andrea Boccelli were singing here tonight we would still be overwhelmed by acid wash and hair spray. I loved Bon Jovi as much as anyone but how did Slippery When Wet start such an enduring fashion revolution?

Observation 5 - The Concert t shirt. A little conflicted here. Those shirts cost big $$ and I am 40 years old. Obviously concert t-shirts were an absolute must in high school. At that point in my life I was concerned with my parachute pants, the few hair buds appearing on my chest and making certain my Who t-shirt wouldn't shrink. Now I'm debating whether my pants should be linen or gabardine, the hair moved to my back, and I laugh at people purchasing concert t-shirts. I suspect there should be an age limit on the concert t-shirt the same way there should be an age limit on wearing professional jerseys to sporting events. If an overweight 45 year old should probably put the Eli Manning jersey away when he goes to a Giants game, the same should hold true for the concert t-shirt. I'm open to suggestion as to what the appropriate age should be but can we soon reach a consensus? For all of our sakes.

My conflict is how uncool I am. The t-shirt tempts me as from recent events I no longer have any "cool" clothes. Obviously I am delusional as I haven't looked cool since I was wearing short sleeves in a snow storm. The t-shirt would be a masquerade, much like my beer goggles in college. Either way, by the light of day you simply can't put Mrs. Howell in Ginger's dress.

Mid concert note. DMB blew off the doors with a power packed version of Talking Heads' Burning Down the House. An absolute moment of smug superiority for me as the two 20 somethings next to me didn't know what was going on. Interesting as Buffett now opens with Once in a Lifetime. Shows Talking Heads reunion tour would be huge.

Observation 6 - Before you say, "we want to play something off our new album" why don't you just say, "if you need to go to the bathroom or want another beer it's a good time to go." Every band should follow the Bruce model. Release the CD 3 months before the tour. Give us a chance to learn the songs. The new DMB cd came out yesterday. The entire audience is clueless. Just shows, you never question Springsteen. Although he could have done better in terms of picking a hottie to have an affair with.